Why offer?

I am not upset that you are offering ways to serve Me and please Me, but I want to assure you it isn't necessary. On one hand, I am grateful you wish to remind Me that you are Mine, but I also want you to know that I already know it. If you never again offered to do anything for Me, I would still never doubt that a word to you is sufficient to have anything you can give, whether large or small, difficult or simple.

I am not telling you to stop offering. I love any reaffirmation of your submission to Me. I only want to make sure you know such offers are not necessary for Me to know that you are willing to fulfill My needs. I know that as certainly as I know anything.

Service

"Would you like something to drink? Would you like me to leave you alone?"

He pondered these questions. The offer of service. The offer to respect His occassional (okay, frequent) need to be by Himself with His thoughts. While she had quickly taken to serving His needs, it had taken a while for her to be okay with giving Him space. she had learned to do it, but it was against her nature. He loved her for making the effort to please Him, particularly because He knew she would much rather 'force' herself upon Him. Make Him talk to her. Make Him let her help somehow (even when there was nothing she could 'do'). she had learned to just make the offer and be available to Him. Although she might never completely understand why, this is exactly what He needs at those times. Don't try to fix Me or My problems, He would think, just continue being you while I deal with whatever I need to deal with.

"Would you like something to drink? Would you like me to leave you alone?"

The words came back to His mind. No, I don't need a drink. No, I don't want you to leave Me alone. I want you to act like everything is normal (because for Me, it is). I want you to just be you. Continue to be available, in case I do need a drink or something. Continue to think of ways to make Me happy (not because you think I'm unhappy, but just because you should always be thinking of ways to make Me happy). Continue thinking sexy thoughts, and continue writingthem down and telling Me about them.

Continue being Mine and nothing else will matter. That is all there is.

My Dream

Last night's dream...

You came to my door. Of course i was waiting because that is what You expect. But, You were angry for some reason. When i opened the door You didn't say a word, but shoved me back into the room, slamming the door behind You. You motioned with Your hand that i was to get on my knees. i hadn't ever seen You like this before and at once i got a feeling of fear in my stomach. Maybe it wasn't fear, maybe it was excitement.

You walked over to me and put Your hand in my shirt. It slipped into my bra and You grabbed my breast. i recoiled from the pain, but it only made You pinch harder. Your fingers found my nipple and You twisted it in Your fingertips. Your other hand grabbed my blouse and pulled it with such force that the buttons popped off and it flew open, revealing my skin.

You had never hurt me out of anger before, and i trusted You not to start now. But, i couldn't rid myself of the butterflies in my stomach. Despite all that, i could feel the wetness begin to penetrate my panties.

All of a sudden, You grabbed my hair and pulled me, using it as some sort of leash, over to the bed. You unzipped Your pants and shoved Your hard cock into my face. i took it in my mouth and You shoved it so hard to the back of my throat i gagged. You slapped my face. You pulled Your cock out of my mouth and i tasted the salty precum on the tip.

"Get up, bitch!" You growled.

i scrambled to my feet. All the while i was trying to wrack my brain to recall what i had done to make You so angry. i thought we were on our way to a nice evening with wine, dancing, soft music, yummy food... Looks like we were on our way to a completely different type of evening.

As i was standing up, You continued to have ahold of my hair. You yanked it and pulled my head to the side. You pushed me onto the bed on my stomach and pushed my skirt up above my waist, exposing my ass. The next thing i knew i felt a stinging sensation across the back of my legs. i heard the snap of Your belt after i felt the welt starting to rise. The tears started to run down my face. "i'm sorry Sir for whatever it is i've done." The belt came down on the back of my legs again and the buckle snapped against my ass cheek.

You pushed my thong aside and shoved Your fingers into my pussy, Your thumb into my ass. You pushed down on my ass to bring it to the perfect level and placed the tip of Your cock agaist me. Instinctively i pushed back into You and You slid into my ass.

"Is this what you want bitch?!"

When i didn't answer You, You reached down and pulled my hair to pull my head up. The arching of my back tightened me around Your cock and You knew You weren't going to last much longer. You could hear me crying and it only caused more blood to run to Your cock, making it harder than i had ever felt before.

"Answer Me you whore! Or do you only tell other people what you want?"

So that was what this was about...

"Yes Daddy!" And with that, You exploded into my ass.

my Head...

is completely screwed on wrong today. i fully intended to have today be a GREAT day. i was sooo excited to see You and to touch You and to taste You, but it is like i am living 2 different people's lives today, one in my head and one in real life. Thank You for being so tolerant.

You know when You were talking about the other night, what was running through my head (instead of how wonder ful and amazing it was) was, "Do You touch her the same way? Do You suck her nipples the same way You suck mine? You are so talented at it and know just how to maneuver Your tongue on me, so does that come from practice, or is it somehow special with me? Do You finger her ass and bend her over to take what You want from her from behind? Do You ever think about spanking her, making her ass bright red with your handprints? Do You ever grab her head and make her suck your cock, making her swallow every last drop of Your cum? Do You ever pinch her nipples to get them hard and get her wet?

If given the opportunity (in a perfect world), would You want to have both of us taking care of Your every need? If not both of us, would You want me to bring someone else to You? Do You want someone else's mouth on Your cock while mine is on Your mouth and vice versa? Do You want Your cock in someone else's pussy while You are licking mine or do You want to be inside my pussy while licking hers? Do You want to taste someone else? Do You want to order me to sit and watch You fuck someone else and just accept that there is no 'love' involved there?"

Today, like most days, but significantly more today, i want You all to myself and i want to give myself completely to You. i can't explain why i am so affected today. i know Your theory, but i don't know if that is what is going on or not.

i trust You completely to give me what i need, even if i don't know what it is. i trust that you own me and only me, and know You trust that i belong to You and only You. i also know that this is completely unfair because there is the flipside of the coin...the side that details my life. But, i don't want to think about that side. What i want to do is run away with You. (i know, i know completely impractical and suicidal at this point, but it is what i want in this moment.)

I belong to You Frederick, only You, and i don't want to belong to anyone else.

Friday Lunch

I'm pleasantly surprised you haven't asked what you'll be having for lunch on Friday. I hope this is because you simply accepted that I took care of this for you and you chose not to concern yourself further with it. On the other hand, you've probably just been too busy to even think about it. Oh well, just thinking 'out loud'.

Regardless

Despite My appreciation for Sarah's writing (see below), I have written more. On the other hand, Mine is still of the fiction/fantasy/hidden meaning/hopeful reality variety (compared to Sarah's more extreme, in my opinion, type of stories).

I find I'm not as good making up stories I can't actually imagine in reality. Maybe I need to work on that. Or, maybe that's the way it should be. I don't know. Thoughts of things that really could happen (more or less) seem more exciting to Me than scenarios that are high in sex and kink but low in the realm of plausibility (in My RL, that is).

Thoughts?

Why Bother

I'm not sure why I even bother to write fiction when you can just go read today's entry by Sarah at Submissive Reflections. Wow.

Stockings

Didn't know if you've seen these, but found them and thought of you.

Plus Size Stay Up Sheer Thigh Highs with Lace Top from Trashy Lingerie - available in MANY colors, including Light Blue and Royal Blue!

Trashy also has lots of other hot plus size stockings.

you know Me, always thinking of you. (Particularly when I can think of you wearing stuff like this!)

Wrong

I know it's wrong, so why do I get hard when I imagine you calling me 'Daddy'?

Post

Just in case you didn't notice, I've posted something different on "Mine." Hope you enjoy it.

More About Last Night

I can't stop thinking about last night. The way you reacted to My touch and My voice. The way you melted as I pulled every drop from you, figuratively and literally. The look on your face, the sound of your voice, the feel of your skin, the smell of your body, the taste of your lips - every sense was enraptured by you.

I have been reliving last night since the moment we parted, and even more so since seeing you today. The images of you are burned into My memory. your eyes looking at Me like there was nothing and noone else in your world. your tits out and begging for My attention. your ass bent over with your thong pulled aside and My hand probing, stroking, and caressing you. Mmmm. I know none of these are 'firsts', but no matter what you say, it still seems special in My mind. Maybe I was really experiencing My ownership of you fully for the first time. I don't know. I need to think about it some more.

On a related note: you need to stop being self-conscious, about your ass or anything else. you please Me greatly - every part of you, everything about you. you have no right to criticize yourself, whether to Me or in your own mind. After all, it is not your mind anyway; it is Mine, just like the rest of you. you are My most prized possession. I own you. Criticizing yourself in any way is a criticism of Me. Do not forget that.

Last Night

I'm still searching for the words to explain how I feel. I think last night effected Me so profoundly because we had been struggling so much. Then, all of a sudden, we connected. I felt that I owned you the way I'm supposed to. I felt that I was taking care of you the way I'm supposed to. It felt so natural. I wanted to be soft and gentle, but after starting out that way, I was overcome by the need to possess you. To make you feel Me and completely fill you with My ownership of you. To take away all your stress and pain and replace it with pleasure and a feeling of being cared for.

Did I accomplish that? you say it wasn't anything we hadn't done before, but for Me it was. Although I always want you to feel owned, I felt like I had achieved that on a deeper level last night. Maybe it's just because we've been having such a hard time lately that I'm being so dramatic about feeling like we really reconnected, got back to where we're supposed to be. I don't know. Regardless, last night made Me very happy.

I Apologize

I admit I was wrong. You have a lot on your plate right now, and I should have considered that. I am still upset, but I shouldn't have let it show or taken it out on you. I apologize.

I love you, but I'm frustrated. I can't have you the way I want, and you can't be mine the way you want. I know this isn't one-sided. It is making me even more jealous than I normally am. Funny thing is, it wasn't jealousy that made me upset, as much as it was my perception that you didn't care.

Forgive me. Don't forgive me. It's up to you. You want to be pissed off at me? Fine. It's pretty obvious that I can't do much to help you right now, and you can't help me, either. On the other hand, I don't want this to turn into something huge just because I was perturbed about something. It certainly wasn't meant to be that big of a deal. Be angry if you must. Ignore me if it helps. But, as far as I'm concerned, when everything is said and done, you're still mine.

Plans and Goals

I sat down last night to work on My "Things to Do" list. Not errands I need to run today or even this week, but My "Things to Do" for the next year, next 5 years, next 10 years, and next 20 years. Things I want to have. Things I want to do.

I didn't get very far. Everything I thought of involved you. Everything I want I want to have or do with you. But, I'm not with you. That's why I didn't get very far with My list.

I don't know if I have a point. I know the situation is what it is, right now. I just wanted to share My thoughts and feelings with you. you should know that My life feels incomplete.

On My Mind

you are on My mind. My thoughts kept turning to you all last evening. Last night, I layed in bed thinking of you until I fell asleep. Then, I started dreaming about you. When I woke up this morning, you were in My waking thoughts. Some of My thoughts are of how hard it is for us to get through the times when 'the world' gets in our way, and some of My thoughts are of My hopes and dreams for times in the future when 'the world' gets the hell out of our way. All of My thoughts of you are good. When the world gets in our way, it reminds Me of what My life was like without you in it and how much better it is with you. When the world gets out of our way and lets us be together in the way we want, I can think of nothing better. I hate that this is another 'thing' we need to 'get through', but if it is, it is. Let's just hold on tight and get through whatever comes our way, together.

Just thought you should know what's been on My mind.

Reality

I thought about writing a post about some fantasy, some daydream of you and Me. I realized, however, the reality is better than the fantasy. So, I'm thinking about you and Me and something real. Can you guess what?

you are My fantasy made real.

I am Happy

Just wanted to say I am happy we seem to have found our way back. I don't know how or why eliminating 'rules' seemed to fix things (even though it was My idea), but I'm glad it did. On the other hand, I'm still hoping the day will come when we can implement some rules. I guess knowing that you would follow any rules I want will have to do for now.

i want...

i want Your tongue flicking my clit.
i want Your hands running along my stockings.
i want Your mouth sucking my tit.
i want Your mouth on my mouth.
i want my mouth on Your cock.
i want Your cock in my wetness.
i want Your cock in my tight ass.
i want Your fingers ripping at my hair.
i want Your handprint on my ass.
i want my knees to be chafed because i am kneeling for You.
i want Your mouth biting my shoulder.
i want my tongue licking Your shaft.
i want my nose running along your neck, smelling Your smell.
i want You....

But what i want doesn't really matter. What matters is what You want.

Can't Help Myself

I want to write something on "Mine", to continue the story of all the nasty, terrible, wonderful things Frederick is going to do to anastasia and the even more nasty, terrible, wonderful things he is going to make anastasia do, but I don't have the time to do it right. On the other hand, I feel compelled to write something. So, here it is.

I want you. Right here. Right now. I feel like I can't breathe. I need you desperately. I am feeling very jealous. You are all I want, and I can't stand the idea (the fact) of sharing you with anyone else. I'm not trying to tease. I know what the reality is. But, I also want to make sure you understand how I feel.

With any luck, I'll write more soon.