Too much time on My hands?

I'm sitting here, thinking of you. I can't get you out of My mind, and to tell you the truth, I don't want to. you fill My life with warmth and beauty. Even after all this time, just seeing you still makes My heart skip a beat. I can't imagine My life without you in it. In fact, I wouldn't call that a life at all. you are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before falling asleep. you fill My dreams at night, and every time My mind wanders during the day, it is to daydream of you. you are the most wonderful, brilliant, gorgeous, scintillating, sexy, vivacious woman I've ever met or could ever even imagine.

I want you in every way. your eyes captivate My soul. your lips -- mmmm -- I can feel those incredible, soft, luscious lips pressed against Mine right now, even if only in My mind. I've felt them enough times to know exactly how they would feel, and yet, I am absolutely certain I will never get over what a fantastic experience kissing you is. I want to hold you. I want to touch you. I need to feel you in My arms. I need to run My hands over your smooth skin. My left hand gently cupping your neck as we kiss. My tongue slipping into your mouth, probing for yours. My right hand slowly sliding down your back, passing over your hip, and running along the side of your thigh. Pressing My body against yours. Feeling My breath start to quicken, and hearing yours do the same. Desire beginning to overcome Me. My fingers, pushing their way up under your skirt. Finding the area of your leg between the top of your stocking and the edge of your panties that I love so much. Moving My hand teasingly between your legs, rubbing your clit with My middle finger through the front of your now extremely damp panties. Kissing you harder as you start to sink into the moment, into Me. Forcing My mouth onto yours. Trying to draw the lust out from within you by the sheer force of My will. Slipping My fingers under your panties, your body goes stiff for a moment. you think this might be a bad idea and that you've let this go too far. Then I slide two fingers between your pussy lips and push My way into your hot, wet cunt, and you don't care anymore. you need this, too.

The need starts to become urgent. you feel My hard cock pressing against you, as you feel your orgasm building. Kissing. Groping. Panting. Fucking you with My fingers. you lean back until your lying there on your back, legs spread wide, both of us knowing that you have NO control of what will happen. you would do anything for Me, so long as I don't stop what I'm doing. So, I continue. I pull your panties aside and lower My head between your legs, swirling My tongue over, around, and against your clit. you gasp. Flicking it. you wriggle. Tracing the letters of My name with My tongue. you are oblivious to this; all you know is how good My tongue is making you feel. Then, another word, "Mine." you're so close to cumming ... I pull Myself up over you and push your legs farther apart. your body starts to tense ... Somehow, My pants are down and My hard cock is free. So close to ... I thrust My throbbing cock into you. oh ... Filling you. So ... Pulling out. Pushing in. fucking ... Fucking you. close ...

you cum hard as waves of your orgasm wash over you again and again. you don't want it to ever stop, until you feel like you can't take any more and that it has to stop. Then, you feel Me tense and release, and still, your own orgasm continues a little longer, as I cum deep inside you. Finally, when I am completely spent, I collapse next to you and hold you until we both drift off to sleep together.

You are coming back...Yeah!!!

i am so relieved that You are coming back. Thank You for e-mailing me and for calling me. It makes things so much better.

i was thinking of erasing the posts from when You were gone, but decided that they are representative of how i was feeling. So, when You read them, please take them for what they are and we can talk about them. Please don't get mad or upset...and if You aren't in the right frame of mind, don't read them.

i am glad You are on Your way back.

Learning Process

Okay, so i really felt better today after talking to You last night. But, then i got Your e-mail this morning. i appreciate the trouble You had to go to to find a computer and send me an e-mail while on board, but i find it interesting that You couldn't make a ship-to-shore call to "check in." (i told You before You left that You probably wouldn't have cell service out of the country.)

So, now i am upset again because i won't talk to You until tomorrow. And, i'm a little irritated that the minimal effort seems to be enough. But, You have never been through this experience before and so, maybe (giving You the benefit of the doubt) You didn't know you could make such a call...or maybe calling from a pay phone in town never crossed Your mind...instead You get to go off on Your little tour or whatever and think "Oh well, I can't talk to her today."

i do feel like You want to make contact but You just aren't being very creative about how to do it. That seems to be a recurring theme in our relationship. You have always had difficulty finding "time to get away to make a call." Like i said yesterday, i put myself in jeopardy to call You all the time and You have a legitimate reason to call me...with this big presentation coming up...even if she or anyone else is around! So here i am again alone and without contact.

Anyway, i am back to feeling sorry for myself, feeling jealous that You are away and don't have to think about this place, and feeling anxious about Saturday, and feeling totally unsupported.

Now hurt...

Just got Your e-mail..soooo personal...and am sitting here remembering the times that i have been away and have snuck to the bathroom, balcony, or just someplace i could be alone for a minute so i could call and hear Your voice. OR how about the times i have taken the chance and called while he was in the shower or stepped out for a fraction of a second. i guess that isn't important to You. Once again i talked to You once yesterday...no text, no email not concerning work, no I miss you, no effort to call me when she was getting ready for dinner, no secret trip to the balcony of the ship to call me even if just for a moment, no nothing. And there was no excuse of me having plans to be somewhere else. i had no plans. in fact, i worked until 6:45 and then went home.

Well, i guess we'll see if You call today, if You make the effort, or if ONE mere e-mail is sufficient for You. i guess then i'll know how much i matter. Whatever...

Angry...

Okay, today i am angry.

i am angry that You are gone. Angry that You obligated us for Saturday and i have to do it alone. Angry that You are off on your "working vacation" and found about an hour to work and the rest is playtime. i am seriously going to schedule a vacation of my own.

i went back and checked my phone records for the "infamous" time i was away for those 2 work days and 1.5 weekend days... Here is what i found...

i called 2 times on Thursday after i left and had already talked to You in the morning, 2 times on Friday, no times on Saturday because my phone was dead (but i talked to You because You called someone else's phone (if You remember)) and 2 times on Sunday. And then, if i am not mistaken, i bypassed going somewhere else and saw You on Sunday!

SO, YOU ARE NO LONGER ABLE TO GIVE ME SHIT ABOUT THE TIME I WAS GONE. And, i think You owe me an apology. The only times i have talked to You while You have been gone have been at MY doing. MY calling. And then...nothing... because You can't seem to find the time for me. Now i am supposed to understand that it is hard for You to get away? Thanks for the effort!!! Seriously.

i think i am unavailable until this passes...

missing You already...

You left a while ago and i am already missing You. i hate knowing that i will not see Your bright smile tomorrow. i hate knowing that i may not hear Your resounding voice. i hate knowing that it will be days until You hold me again and whisper in my ear that You love me. Please hurry back to me.

Calling Me on My crap

you know, I realized yesterday that you saying "Don't be silly. You know i love You." is a pretty effective way of calling Me on My crap.

And, it sure beats arguing about stupid stuff.