I Apologize
I admit I was wrong. You have a lot on your plate right now, and I should have considered that. I am still upset, but I shouldn't have let it show or taken it out on you. I apologize.
I love you, but I'm frustrated. I can't have you the way I want, and you can't be mine the way you want. I know this isn't one-sided. It is making me even more jealous than I normally am. Funny thing is, it wasn't jealousy that made me upset, as much as it was my perception that you didn't care.
Forgive me. Don't forgive me. It's up to you. You want to be pissed off at me? Fine. It's pretty obvious that I can't do much to help you right now, and you can't help me, either. On the other hand, I don't want this to turn into something huge just because I was perturbed about something. It certainly wasn't meant to be that big of a deal. Be angry if you must. Ignore me if it helps. But, as far as I'm concerned, when everything is said and done, you're still mine.
I love you, but I'm frustrated. I can't have you the way I want, and you can't be mine the way you want. I know this isn't one-sided. It is making me even more jealous than I normally am. Funny thing is, it wasn't jealousy that made me upset, as much as it was my perception that you didn't care.
Forgive me. Don't forgive me. It's up to you. You want to be pissed off at me? Fine. It's pretty obvious that I can't do much to help you right now, and you can't help me, either. On the other hand, I don't want this to turn into something huge just because I was perturbed about something. It certainly wasn't meant to be that big of a deal. Be angry if you must. Ignore me if it helps. But, as far as I'm concerned, when everything is said and done, you're still mine.
posted by Frederick at
1:17 PM
2 Comments:
Today...Today is a day that i needed You to wrap Your arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. But, it just is one more day where i can not do anything right for anyone!!!
You want to know why i wore the shirt??? i wore it because i was so tired last night that i didn't unload the clothes out of my car and when i asked for help, i was told, "No." Then this morning i was so concerned about getting here on time to avoid the snide comments and the accompanying perceived disappointment, but i didn't have a blue shirt inside the house. i had already decided last night what i was going to wear, but when i wanted to wear a blue shirt the only one available was that one. As normal, i was running late and didn't have time to get my others out of the car. So i grabbed the one i had on (being the only one in my closet) and rushed here. (i got here at 8:30 by the way.) So, it wasn't a matter of not caring, it was a matter of trying to please You in another area and getting it all wrong AGAIN.
i am not pissed off. i am nothing but upset that i have to do all this alone and when i need support, it isn't there. i understand that this is hard for You. i can't imagine how i would be feeling if the tables were reversed. Although i think i tried really hard to be supportive when You were going through similar things. i specifically remember our time being cut short with things like having to leave early and come in late, sign papers, etc.
Okay i think i am done crying now. At least my eyes are moist. i just feel really alone and i am not handling it well.
i apologize if i hurt Your feelings. i know You are frustrated. i am too. But, what can we do? You wanna decide that You can't take it and just say, "Forget it!"? i don't know how we would handle that. i don't know how i would handle that. i am already on the edge of a complete meltdown. (Crap here come the tears again.) But, i only want You to be happy. my goal in all this has been to make You feel what it is i feel about You. i am just sucking at it lately.
i am sorry You feel so ambivilant about me forgiving You, or not. There is nothing to forgive, only to accept.
apparently not worthy of being Yours,
a.
By
Anastasia, at 2:28 PM
Where do I start? I know ... Everything is going to be okay. (Sorry I'm not there to wrap My arms around you right now.)
All I wanted was an apology about the shirt. your explanation makes total sense (and makes me feel like a jerk for making an issue of it), but explanation or not, I just wanted you to acknowledge My feelings of jealousy and say, "i'm sorry," and either explain why you wore it or apologize for just not realizing it might bother Me.
I appreciate your effort to get here on time, and I'm sorry you feel I've been making snide comments or been disappointed. I thought it was just good-natured teasing (as you occassionally are wont to do to Me). I guess I forget how significant My words are on you.
I don't dispute you tried really hard to be supportive when I was going through the similar situation, although I certainly seem to recall a time or two when you, like I, struggled particularly hard with the drain on My time and attention.
It's interesting you see Me as ambivalent about you forgiving Me. In My mind, it is not about ambivalence; it is about My perception of our relationship. What I had meant to convey was My certainty that, whatever you're feeling about Me and My behavior at the moment, you are Mine. your comment further proves this. Saying, "forget it" to us was the furthest thing from My mind -- although I was briefly concerned that this was where you were headed with your statement that you intended to go to lunch alone. I am glad you retracted that and put the decision back in My hands (where it belonged in the first place).
As I said, this has become a much bigger issue than I ever intended or expected. you don't owe Me any further explanation as to your actions, and we've both apologized. Now, I just need you to apologize for being so presumptuous as to deem yourself "apparently not worthy" of being Mine and promise never to say such a thing again, and as far as I'm concerned, we can put this all behind us. you are the most worthy person I have ever met. you are gorgeous and brilliant, and your dedication to Me is beyond question. you are more worthy of being Mine, than anyone has ever been worthy of being Anyone Else's. Understood?
- F.
By
Frederick, at 3:05 PM
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