Wanting to Help

Sir -

i wish i could help improve your mood in some way. i can think of several things i would like to do if only we weren't in our current circumstances. If only i could properly take care of you.... Perhaps discussing what i am dreaming of doing will give you some comfort and perhaps a smile.

i would like to come to you and rub your neck and put my fingers through your hair, hoping that You close your eyes and take a rest. i would like to pleasure You by sucking your cock hoping You will allow me to accept the release of your tension. Then i would like to retire to your feet for the rest of the afternoon.

If there is anything i CAN do, please allow me to service You.

Your faithful servant,

anastasia

My Blog

My blog is here.

Thinking of You

anastasia,

Saw something and thought of you. I was reminded of a recent conversation we had after reading the second half of the December 20, 2004 entry in this blog. In fact, the first half of the same entry reminded me of a conversation we had a few weeks ago.

Frederick

Happy Birthday

Frederick, my owner, my master...

You just left and my body aches for you, my heart yearns for you, and my mouth longs for you.

Perhaps you are reading this before you turn in for the night. If not, and you are reading it in the morning, know that I was thinking about you. I wanted to tell you, just one last time, "Happy Birthday!!!" Today, although rather uneventful, was a GREAT day. I love just being able to be in your presence. I love having the day be all about YOU! I truly want to make every day that way. I love caring for you and I hope that the level of my dedication was apparent to you today. I love shopping with you. I love eating with you. I love working with you. It is in those moments that I can be free; free to explore who I really am and what I really want...and I want you...I BELONG to you!!!

I hope that I anticipated most of your needs during our meal today. If I could have improved in any way today, please teach me.

Until tomorrow your majesty...
anastasia

P.S. Happy Birthday!!!

Limitless Dysfunction

Frederick,

I guess what I was trying to convey is that again I want more. I desire the pain because it makes me turned on. Just thinking about it makes me wet, and actually getting it puts me over the top. I think I could get to a point where I could orgasm without actual stimulation because I already feel such ecstasy when you spank me, especially when you spank me hard.

I really want you to feel the same way; that every spanking or paddling causes a stir in your cock that you can not get from a touch, suck, or fuck. Because, when you do it to me, it makes my pussy ache. Besides, this part of our relationship is ours. Anyone else can suck you, touch you, or fuck you. I want you to fuck me, to own me, to use me, and satisfy your all your animal fantasies and desires with me.

The issue is not only about the physical, sexual side of all of this. I also want you to be just as rough and forceful with me in every other way. I am obsessive about feeling your control and ownership over me. I want you to order me around and make decisions for me. I want to submit to you and I want it to be pleasing to you when I do because it gives me great pleasure.

It is like a Pandora's Box. I wonder if you knew what you were getting yourself into when you found this nugget inside of me. The thing is (what's the thing???)...The thing is I just want to be sure that you want all these things too. Maybe I am getting too far to the left of what you thought you wanted??

I am on the verge of getting even more graphic in my other writings, and I feel like I am going to scare you. (Probably because I am scaring myself.) I am realizing how important this is to me and how intense I want it to get (but again, not just on the sexual side of things).

You asked if there was something that you had done to make me question things...It isn't what you have done, but rather what you haven't. I have told you some of this before, and maybe you didn't believe me, maybe you thought you knew what was best for me and that is less intensity because I can't handle how you really want to treat me (which is what I hope it is because I want you to give me all you've got), maybe you can't figure out how to implement it, or maybe it doesn't "do anything" for you (which is what I fear the most), but I feel like I am wanting more pain, more servitude, more "je ne sais quoi" (it is so hard to find the right word for it, although you probably can), than you want to give, or than you want period. I feel like I am more intense than you, and I don't want our relationship to become one of obligation (on your part - because I feel completely obligated to you, as I should as your slave) instead of desire.

just being insecure...
anastasia

My Turn

Well, I decided to return because I am beginning to panic...Of course, I get here and the only thing I can think about is you and our encounter yesterday. I've thought about how far we have come since last year at this time and I am so grateful to you for making me be patient. Our relationship is so much better for it. I love how you always know what is best for me. You are amazing! You were born to hold the role you now hold, and I am glad I am the one you have chosen to be your submissive.

I missed your lips on mine today and I can still feel your touch on my skin. I can sit here and remember the feel of the paddle on my bottom and it only makes me want more. I beg to be your personal whore. I beg you to give me pain to remember you by. I beg you to use me in any way you desire.

I thought yesterday I couldn't feel more desire... But as I sit here tonight, longing for you, I realize that my desire knows no bounds.

Until tomorrow Master.

Anxiety

I am sitting here, waiting for you. I cannot remember the last time I felt this much anticipation, this much excitement, this much anxiety. As you know, I do not normally consider anxiety a positive feeling. At the moment, however, I feel incredible. My mind is racing with thoughts of you. I can barely contain myself. I am overwhelmed by the mere idea of being with you. I feel as though I might explode, and I don't mean sexually (or at least not exclusively). I cannot contain my thoughts. My body is tense and shaking. I feel like I've had two pots of coffee and two handfuls of candy.

[interrupted by telephone]

You just called and I could barely put words together to make a sentence. I hope you could hear the desire in my tone. I am drenched in my need for you -- the need to have you near me, the need to have you serve me, the need to have you beg me to treat you like my personal whore, the need to treat you like my most prized possession.

Get here soon or the anxiety might just kill me.

Last Night

Frederick -

I just wanted to say thank you for last night. The tie was the first thing I saw when I walked in the door and I knew that you and I were together, regardless of the circumstances. I hope you liked my accessory. I felt so elated when I found it beacuse I knew it would signify to you that I am owned and glad to be so.

I can not wait to see you tonight and can not wait to spend time with you tomorrow.

Until then,

anastasia

I'm Here...and always will be.

Frederick,

You know that I am always here and willing to serve you. Certainly I DO have a lot to say and will be composing to post at our other spot. Unfortunately, I have been distracted with reality and have been unable to free my mind from the confines of my desire to be used by you, to serve you, and to be owned by you. You would think that would inspire me, but instead it has been all I can think about. I am longing for the time we so need, and am looking forward to the punishments for the transgressions I have made in the past week. In addition, I am looking forward to the new implement you have acquired.

Please don't be jealous of things that don't exist. You know, in any given moment, I would rather be with you, and often imagine myself with you even in circumstances where I am not. I look for your beautiful eyes around every corner, knowing that you are not going to be there, but hopeful just the same.

With your permission, sir, I am going to sign off now to get to composing the next episode. Perhaps the saga needs a title...and what is your last name?

Your loving chattel,
anastasia

Hmmm

Four days and not so much as a comment from anyone, much less a post. Somebody trying to tell me something?

Jealous Again

Is it any surprise the way I feel?


Black Crowes - Jealous Again Lyrics

Cheat the odds that made you
Brave to try to gamble at times
Well I feel like dirty laundry
Sending sickness on down the line
Tell you why

'Cause I'm jealous, jealous again
Thought it time I let you in
Yeah, I'm jealous, jealous again
Got no time, baby

Always drunk on Sunday
Try'n to feel like I'm at home
Smell the gasoline burning
Boys out feeling nervous and cold

(Repeat 1st Chorus)

Stop, understand me
I ain't afraid of losing face
Stop, understand me
I ain't afraid of ever losing faith in you

Never felt like smiling
Sugar wanna' kill me yet
Find me loose lipped and laughing
Singing songs ain't got no regrets

(Repeat 1st and 2nd Chrous)

Don't you think I want to
Don't you think I would
Don't you think I'd tell you baby
If I only could
Am I acting crazy
Am I just too proud
Am I just plain lazy
Am I, Am I, Am I, ever

(Repeat 1st Chorus)

Tonight

I am missing you.

Growing Pains

anastasia,

I was so happy to hear you want me to be in control -- need me to be in control -- even when you are not particularly happy with the manner in which I exercise that power. I hate that I have these doubts, and I love that you can so easily remove them.

We both have issues that still make us uncomfortable. It may take some time, but I look forward to the day when we are completely at ease with all of this. In the meantime, we'll just have to suffer through some growing pains. You don't mind a little pain now, do you?

Frederick

Fresh Start

Time for a fresh start. I believe we should attempt to not begrudge each other any previous failings or weaknesses. We are, as Human League said, "only human." Agreed?