Unresolved
The following is from an earlier post. I'm sure you'll recognize it. In thinking about what's been bothering me lately, I've come to the conclusion this is still unresolved. I know you didn't feel the need to respond to anything in that particular post, but I do need a response to this.
What is your position on this issue?
I don't think I'll ever feel that ownership of you means letting you do whatever you want, not doing anything myself that might upset you in any way, and just trusting that you would never cross a line of behavior that you admittedly cannot even tell Me where it is. I know that was convoluted, but I hope it made sense. Taking your own argument to the extreme, I should be okay with you going off and fucking a couple of guys because if I wanted to stop you I could and I am really the only one you want anyway. But, if I'm not giving you that attention, you should be allowed to get it somewhere. (If you wanted to be ignored, you could stay at home. Right?) I know this interpretation of your position is ridiculous, but you have yet to be able to tell Me where the line is.
What is your position on this issue?
posted by Frederick at
9:51 AM
3 Comments:
I know, for whatever reason, you've been avoiding giving me written responses to these posts. So, I'll just note for the record that we discussed this at great length yesterday, and decided the following.
you see me as the equivalent of a sexual alcoholic. If you agree to let me have one drink, you're afraid I won't stop there. you feel you should be able to do whatever you want because you know when to stop, but you can't afford Me the same latitude because I can't change who I am, a lying cheat that can't control himself, except when he thinks his family is on the line.
I, on the other hand, do not believe you know when (or, more to the point, how) to stop. you can go into a situation completely confident in yourself, but are likely to unintentionally wind up with things out of control. After the fact, I expect you'd be apologetic and attempt to reassure Me that, even though things went too far, it didn't mean anything and I should be okay with trusting you the next time because you learned your lesson. A result I cannot say I would find entirely satisfactory.
As a result of our mutual insecurities, we have agreed we will allow each other complete freedom within pre-established boundaries. No questions, no jealousy. If it turns out the boundaries have been set too far out for one or the other of us to handle, we will renegotiate them (and try not to flip out at the other person if they didn't exceed the presently established boundaries). The boundaries are: making out is okay (kissing from the neck up); brushing against breasts is okay, but no cupping, pinching, or squeezing; playful touching of an ass is okay, but sexual groping is not (this could be better defined, but hopefully we won't have to); along the same lines, you cannot be spanked and I cannot spank anyone (vice-versa, however, is okay); and no genital touching. Also, whatever is the rule for the hands is the same for the lips and tongue.
Did I miss anything or misstate anything? Having any second thoughts? I am so happy we have set these limits, so I don't have to worry about how far you'll go. Now, you just need to make sure you're ready to enforce them. Remember, these are not just my rules for you. These are our rules for each other. Our promises. Our oaths. Breaking this would not result in a punishment. It would result in breaking "us." I'm not saying we couldn't work through it, but it would involve a hell of a lot more than Me just making you write "i will not let strangers rub their hard cocks against my ass on the dance floor" 100 times while kneeling naked on grains of rice.
That feels like an odd place to stop, but it's all I have to say at the moment.
F.
By
Frederick, at 10:25 AM
i haven't been avoiding giving You a written response to any of Your posts. It's just that we usually talk at great length about them and it seems wierd to comment after all that.
i agree that i am completely insecure, thus in need of the limitations set forth in Your comment to Your post.
i may be having second thoughts about the kissing. i really don't want anyone else kissing You in a way that stirs Your cock. But, like i said yesterday, i guess we'll leave the limit there and see how it goes. (It just seems like we are getting into "open relationship" territory and that is scary to me. But, that is also being overdramatic (no surprises there).)
How about below the waist? Didn't we say that brushing is okay, but groping is not.
Is this where we say, "I do."?
By
Anastasia, at 6:18 PM
Isn't that strange. I have the same feeling. I feel like we've now made a commitment equivalent to "I do." It may be more liberal than most people think of when they say "I do," but how often does that actually work out? The numbers are not great. Maybe every marriage (or commitment) should begin with defining these parameters. Almost everyone goes into a relationship thinking the other person is 100% of what they need, all the time, in every situation. For some people that may even be true, but for most people it clearly is not.
Also, while I understand your perception of this getting into "open relationship" territory, you should keep some things in mind. First of all, we wouldn't even be having this discussion if it weren't for your need to physically involve other people in your idea of a good time. I have agreed to all of this on the conditions that there are limits (that we agree upon) and that the limits be reciprocal. When you say the idea of an open relationship is "scary" to you, are you asking to move our boundaries to where mine have been all along? If it is your desire to cut all physical contact with anyone else, I'm good with that. Assuming that is not the case, there will be equivalent boudaries for each of us, or it will not work. Period. I'm not sure how that fits with whatever your idea of an open relationship is. Could I see myself having such a relationship with you if that was what you wanted? I'm not sure, but maybe. I think I could trust you that much. I think I can believe that your heart isn't inexorably tied to what your mouth or pussy or your ass are doing. Would I want that? I don't know. If it could be accomplished without imploding or otherwise damaging our relationship, I'd be lying to say I wouldn't be curious. But, the relationship comes first. Always. No question.
It's an interesting conundrum. I want you to be completely fulfilled by Me, yet I question whether that is truly possible "forever." I also want to believe that, no matter what you do, you will love Me, want Me, and need Me no less. Isn't that true? Why should I be any more afraid of losing you because you decide to enjoy being with them in a physical/sexual way than if you enjoyed being with them and having a great meal and intimate conversation or going dancing and having drinks or anything else that doesn't involve actual "sex"? This is one of the ways you lose Me on the whole "but that's not sexual to me" argument (kissing or touching that only goes 'so far' but doesn't become 'sexual').
Anyway, I'm starting to ramble now. Let Me try to get back on track. As far as an open relationship, that can mean many things. How open? your current relationship is open to the extent you get to do an awful lot of things many other wives would never be permitted. I know you can say none of them are "sexual", but that's kind of my point. (I think.) I told you yesterday it would be a hard choice between letting you give some guy a 5 minute blow job or letting you spend an hour having an intimate conversation with the guy wherein you exchange private thoughts, dreams, and details of your lives. I'm more afraid of someone touching your heart than making you hot and horny. Am I making any sense at all?
In any case, I thought we said no genital contact at all - not even brushing. I said I thought it was unrealistic, but I thought you ultimately decided no. If brushing is fine with you, it's fine with Me.
As for the lips and tongue being equivalent to hands, I'm still not clear when they wouldn't be. I don't know when lips or tongue might brush a breast (either you or Me), but absent actual licking or sucking, I thought it would be considered the same as a hand brushing. If not, let Me know. I'm good either way.
Remember, the odds of Me breaking these boudaries is exceedingly small - it would almost always have to be an intentional act on my part, as women just don't physically grope Me as a general rule. you, on the other hand, will have to be careful all the time. I understand the boundaries may be exceeded without your consent. That is not a violation unless it is not stopped clearly and without hesitation.
(Another terrible stopping place.)
F.
By
Frederick, at 7:10 PM
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