Why does it have to be so hard?
All i mean is that i spent most of the weekend without having to apologize and it was so nice. You are right. i am me and You are You. But, how come when we were away that was so much easier. i was so happy, happier than i have been in a long time.
If You look at our posts, You will see the constant struggle while we are here. Why was it so easy away? Because You have different expectations when we are here? Because i am able to be the person You want when we are away? Because no one interferes with us when we are away? (That’s not exactly true either.) i just don’t understand it and i am VERY frustrated.
i am sorry. i was sorry the moment it happened. i do apologize (like normal). Also like normal, You are completely right. i should have told You that i anticipated a problem. i tried to hide it because we were having such a GREAT day! (Childish i know.) i had hoped that he wouldn’t bring it up and we could continue with our “happy day.” Should’ve known better. i always do something to screw it up. i thought the explanation would make You understand that once again it wasn’t an intentional act that caused the problem, but it seems that my problem with timing always gets me into trouble. What do You want me to do? Never talk again? It wouldn’t matter because then i would DO something (or not do something, which would be equally as bad)to make You upset. i just can’t seem to get it right. Frankly, i am tired of not getting it right…not doing it right…not knowing what is right to do…
It isn’t a matter of “putting up with You.” It is a matter of wanting You and me to be happy or content, wanting us to be able to make it through one stinkin’ day without feeling like it isn’t working; to feel it without it being so hard to accomplish. It is a good thing that we are who we are because we are obviously a good match, but we have to figure this out in order to keep our sanity (or whatever is left of it)!!!
i don’t know what to do. It isn’t my job to decide what to do. i will offer that i WANT this. i want us. i want to be Your MMPP.
If You look at our posts, You will see the constant struggle while we are here. Why was it so easy away? Because You have different expectations when we are here? Because i am able to be the person You want when we are away? Because no one interferes with us when we are away? (That’s not exactly true either.) i just don’t understand it and i am VERY frustrated.
i am sorry. i was sorry the moment it happened. i do apologize (like normal). Also like normal, You are completely right. i should have told You that i anticipated a problem. i tried to hide it because we were having such a GREAT day! (Childish i know.) i had hoped that he wouldn’t bring it up and we could continue with our “happy day.” Should’ve known better. i always do something to screw it up. i thought the explanation would make You understand that once again it wasn’t an intentional act that caused the problem, but it seems that my problem with timing always gets me into trouble. What do You want me to do? Never talk again? It wouldn’t matter because then i would DO something (or not do something, which would be equally as bad)to make You upset. i just can’t seem to get it right. Frankly, i am tired of not getting it right…not doing it right…not knowing what is right to do…
It isn’t a matter of “putting up with You.” It is a matter of wanting You and me to be happy or content, wanting us to be able to make it through one stinkin’ day without feeling like it isn’t working; to feel it without it being so hard to accomplish. It is a good thing that we are who we are because we are obviously a good match, but we have to figure this out in order to keep our sanity (or whatever is left of it)!!!
i don’t know what to do. It isn’t my job to decide what to do. i will offer that i WANT this. i want us. i want to be Your MMPP.
posted by Anastasia at
10:57 AM
1 Comments:
you know why it was easier when we were away: because it was mostly just you and Me. The struggle is always (at least in My mind) due to outside factors. Do I have different expectations when we're here? Probably. Are you better able to be the person I want when we are away? Maybe. I don't have all the answers, either.
I'm sorry that I'm picky about these types of things, but I am. you're picky about other things. That's the way it is. I do believe, however, that I'm consistent (as are you), so to Me, it is just a matter of learning each other well enough to deal with these issues. I will always be upset when I feel you've sandbagged Me (e.g., not telling Me there may be a problem). His overhearing you may not have been intentional, but your decision to not tell Me was. Would I have been happy with the situation if you had told Me? Probably not. Is that a reason to not tell Me? No.
you're right -- it's not your job to decide what to do. So, let Me do My job. When I say I don't want to talk about something, I think you really should leave it alone.
I not only want this, but I believe it is working. I'm sorry you don't seem to agree. I'm sorry you are tired of "not getting it right." From My perspective, I can be upset about your behavior, but still love you. As far as I'm concerned, being upset by things you say or do is just going to happen. you, nonetheless, absolutely are MMPP.
If that's not enough for you, then let's talk some more. I am not giving up, and neither are you. Understood?
By
Frederick, at 11:55 AM
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