Impulsivity...
Here we go again... up...down...up...down... and this time it is my fault....
Impulsivity: one more character trait in me that You can't stand.
What i did, at the time seemed right. Of course, talking about it with You now makes me see the other side. The unintended consequences. Unfortunately, i don't know how to fix that, ecxcept to say, "i apologize. Sincerely."
i really thought that my handling it in my confrontational way was best. i thought it would be expected from me by them and that it would be accepted from me by them. That You would be proud of me. (Crazy i know, but i thought it.) i intentionally didn't pull any punches, didn't sidestep any issues, because i truly don't care at this point. But, in my gunghoedness i didn't think about the fact that i might be doing something detrimental to You. The thought didn't even cross my mind. i was on a mission to try to fix something and didn't see the damage i was leaving in my wake. The truth is, i didn't think about what i wanted the conclusion to be. i wanted him to see that his way is not working, nor will it ever. i wanted him to see that my way is better (totally selfish and childish - i see it now). i wanted to express my displeasure and have it acknowledged. Beyond that i don't know. i want it to be bearable until... But, now You are telling me it isn't and can't be, and i wonder how much of that i caused.
Once again You are right...i should've consulted You first, should've waited for You. But, i wanted to go in there with all MY power (as insignificant as it is) and take care of it. i thought i was protecting all of us.
i am sorry.
Sometimes i think my calling You Daddy is so appropriate. i have learned so much from You, but obviously not enough yet. We got a long way to go baby!!!
Forgive me??
Impulsivity: one more character trait in me that You can't stand.
What i did, at the time seemed right. Of course, talking about it with You now makes me see the other side. The unintended consequences. Unfortunately, i don't know how to fix that, ecxcept to say, "i apologize. Sincerely."
i really thought that my handling it in my confrontational way was best. i thought it would be expected from me by them and that it would be accepted from me by them. That You would be proud of me. (Crazy i know, but i thought it.) i intentionally didn't pull any punches, didn't sidestep any issues, because i truly don't care at this point. But, in my gunghoedness i didn't think about the fact that i might be doing something detrimental to You. The thought didn't even cross my mind. i was on a mission to try to fix something and didn't see the damage i was leaving in my wake. The truth is, i didn't think about what i wanted the conclusion to be. i wanted him to see that his way is not working, nor will it ever. i wanted him to see that my way is better (totally selfish and childish - i see it now). i wanted to express my displeasure and have it acknowledged. Beyond that i don't know. i want it to be bearable until... But, now You are telling me it isn't and can't be, and i wonder how much of that i caused.
Once again You are right...i should've consulted You first, should've waited for You. But, i wanted to go in there with all MY power (as insignificant as it is) and take care of it. i thought i was protecting all of us.
i am sorry.
Sometimes i think my calling You Daddy is so appropriate. i have learned so much from You, but obviously not enough yet. We got a long way to go baby!!!
Forgive me??
posted by Anastasia at
1:06 PM
2 Comments:
Of course, I forgive you. As for your actions, however, please keep in mind I have not said you handled things poorly. In fact, I don't know if I've even figured out whether or not I agree with what you did because, right now, I am preoccupied with the fact you did it at all. (Forgiven, but not forgotten.)
We're supposed to be a team, damn it! There is no room for anyone to take things personally or to go off and take actions like this on his or her own. On one level, we are accountable to one another. On another level, you are accountable to me. In either case, I need you to discuss anything like this with me in the future ahead of time. Understood?
(By the way, I can see right through your attempt to butter Me up by calling Me 'Daddy' in your post. Lucky for you, despite the fact it was obviously being used as a ploy to diminish My ire, it worked.)
If I truly cannot go on here, it would have to be in spite of you, not because of you. you are what has kept Me here this long. your actions yesterday and today are not factors in My decision to stay or leave this place. I don't know what I will be doing, but I know if I stay it will be because of you and if I leave it will be because of them.
By
Frederick, at 2:00 PM
Understood.
By the way -
i adore You!
By
Anastasia, at 2:18 PM
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