Scary, yet Exciting
Today's post by Sarah reminded Me of you (as so many of her posts do). I realize she generally is an exaggerated version of you, yet there is definitely some of you in there. Today's post is a good example of what scares Me, yet at the same time excites Me, about you. It is so close to home it is almost hard for Me to read of Sarah's attraction to other men (what you might call "curiosity"). she didn't do anything "wrong," although I have some trouble with her need to get off just by being around these men who provided the fuel for her fantasies while masturbating. It reminds Me that, you can be completely devoted to Me, yet still have sexual thoughts about others, which, as I've said, both scares Me and excites Me. When I feel that way (Sarah calls it "jealous lust"), I want to possess you and use you to satisfy my desires. Heck, I'm feeling it right now just imagining things that haven't happened. I think I need to do something to reaffirm my ownership of you soon -- very soon.
posted by Frederick at
7:39 AM
3 Comments:
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Anastasia, at 10:20 AM
Wow...i am glad she is back. You are right. She and i are so similar, sometimes it is scary. i don't know how i would handle You being away as much as Mac. See, she gets lonely and acts out. The thing is (what's the thing?)..the thing is neither she nor i would ever DO ANYTHING with those men (at least not anything we would consider significant) because they only make us think of You and the way You lust for us when You are around, and the way You OWN us.
i think it is difficult to understand from Your point of view. But, Sarah masterbated because she wanted Mac. She told him about it because she wanted him to lust after her, wants him to take control of her when he gets back.
Even when i want to make a man lust after me, it is because i want You to lust after me and i want to feel it through Your jealousy or whatever. i want You to take control of me and bring me back into line, Your line. i want to feel desireable and wanted. If You were ambivilant i would feel like You didn't want me all to Yourself and that's how i want to feel, like You want me all to Yourself.
I guess that is why i had such a problem with the concept that all You wanted was a defined line. Don't You care what the line is? You said You didn't and i don't get that. Of course, i recognize that it is a 2 edged sword. On the one side, You need to set the boundries out far enough that You don't stifle my personality, but on the other side, You need to set the boundries in close enough to maintain control every situation, which is the level of control i want You to have...control of every situation.
Sometimes i fantasize about bringing a man to the brink while You watch, only to discard him and come back to You, to submit to Your desire. i imagine You being turned-on by my ability to seduce another man, but then choose You when given the freedom to do so.
Yet, sometimes i fantasize about bringing a man to the brink only to have You come and forcefully grab me away, taking posession of what belongs to You and noone else. You see, it is never about the other man or his pleasure. It is always about You.
(i suppose i understand Your fear that i will get so close to someone else that i will choose them instead of You, but i can not imagine that happening because i have given myself to You and they are just toys, props, instruments in my seduction of You.)
Now that i think about it, i guess that is where i fear the difference in the reciprocity occurs. You see, if i am playing with another man, it is always about You...getting You filled with lustful jealousy, having You control me even more severely, having myself desireable to others making me even more desirable to You.
Your reciprocal part isn't the same. If You are being desired by another woman, it isn't about me (like mine is about You). Instead, it is about You. If You are touching another women, it isn't about You wanting to be controlled or You wanting to be touched by me, but rather about Your wanting to be in control and Your wanting to be desired by a woman, proving Your power and attractiveness. It isn't about You being attractive to others to make You more attractive to me. It is about filling Your ego, which is my job, not someone else's.
You see, when i am doing it or fantasizing about it, it is about You. And when You are doing it or fantasizing about it, it is about You. And that's where it isn't reciprocal.
Ahhhh Haaaaahhh!!!
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Anastasia, at 10:25 AM
I'm not buying it - at least not completely. I still think you want other men to express an interest in you as an ego boost, which in turn makes you feel sexy. This, of course, has benefits for Me. I think you're pushing it, however, if you want Me to believe it is actually all about Me. Partially about Me? Sure. But, I can still say the same thing. If having a woman flirt with Me makes Me feel powerful and sexy, that translates into confidence which is demonstrated in how I handle you. I know you worry, but would you really want a man who doesn't attract other women? A man who isn't powerful or charismatic? I don't think so. If I could own any of a number of women, shouldn't you be particularly pleased that I've chosen to possess you? So, yes. It is about Me. But, it's about being the Me that you can be proud to call your Master.
Look at it this way: I can be proud of you for all the attention you can draw to yourself, and you should be proud of yourself for being selected as the property of a man who could pick from any number of women. In the end, it's really all about you, isn't it?
By
Frederick, at 5:02 PM
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