Random Thoughts
i know we are supposed to be productive today, but to accomplish that, i feel like i need to get these random thoughts out of my head and onto "paper."
1) Yesterday when i said i needed to "feel it" i wasn't intending to instigate a serious discussion. i was feeling, and continue to feel, the need for Your touch, Your dominance, Your control. i need You to "take me" in any way You want. i want to submit to You. i need to submit to You sexually and personally. i want to put my mouth around Your cock because You have told me to put it there. i want to get wet because You have demanded it. i want to feel the sting of Your hand on my ass because You feel i deserve it. i want to kiss You without You kissing back because You want me to worship You. i want You to feel worshipped so You will then want to control me even more.
i am glad that You let me know how You were feeling. It has always been hard for me to get "it" right. i haven't been giving additional suggestions because i don't like Your decisions, but rather because You seem to want to be pleasing me and i want You to be pleased. For instance...lunch... You said You really had no preference because You weren't hungry. You said head to our normal spot and then i made a suggestion or two trying to get You to react with some enthusiasm and to get someplace where You would at least be satisfied and not dissatisfied. You see, again my actions were only intended to attempt to please You and not to distract from Your decisions or control.
Although You misunderstood me and my intentions, i have to say that the forceful way You told me what You need and want and expect from me was exactly what i need and want from You. i love it when You control me with Your words. Anyone can be controlled by physical action, but Your silver tongue is infuriatingly talented. Although i don't like being "handled," i do love being controlled by You.
2) Why do You always assume the worst? Like this morning assuming my tardiness had nothing to do with You when in fact it had everything to do with You. Most of what i do has everything to do with You. You consume my every thought. Like last night, just imagining Your strong hands on Your instrument, making it do exactly what You want it to do, produce the sound You demand, with Your fingers flying over the keys, knowing what buttons to push without a thought. i can imagine those same hands on my body, knowing what to do without a thought, and eliciting the exact response desired because of Your control.
3) i find it amazing that i feel so many things that are similar to what Sarah expresses in her blog. It is not easy to submit. i hope You realize this on some level. Although it is what i want to do, i am completely new at it because i have never been allowed to do it before. i find myself struggling with how to be submissive with You personally, but not professionally, and certainly not with anyone else. i completely understand her when she explains that it wasn't the other man she wanted, but his control. Isn't that what we have blogged about so many times, that thing that You just can't understand...that is isn't ever about having or wanting the other man, but instead it is always about You, wanting You, wanting to be desired so i know that Your desire is true because i can't understand how You want me (i wouldn't want myself) but if others want me too, i guess i can accept that i am desirable (i know this is twisted). This is where the task thing comes in. Sarah lashes out when Mac is too busy for her, or just plain isn't there. i tend to lash out, stray, or whatever when You are emotionally unavailable to me or when we are too busy to "feel it" (particularly the former because at least with the latter i can make a nuisance of myself). Perhaps You can figure out a way to handle these situations. (Or we can figure it out together if that is what You want.) The thing is we know that they are coming and we (i) have not handled them with great skill as of yet. So now that we are okay, everybody is happy, etc maybe we can stratagize. i plan to be with You for the rest of my life, personally, professionally, emotionally, and sexually, and unfortunately i haven't had the luxury of learning over time how to behave appropriately to these situations, so maybe if we had a plan in place the situations wouldn't be so difficult for either of us.
Anyway, i can't wait to have Your hands on me. i can't wait to kneel or stand before You awaiting my next instruction. Your control is what i want, everything else is frosting on the cake. Please don't ever doubt my devotion.
a.
1) Yesterday when i said i needed to "feel it" i wasn't intending to instigate a serious discussion. i was feeling, and continue to feel, the need for Your touch, Your dominance, Your control. i need You to "take me" in any way You want. i want to submit to You. i need to submit to You sexually and personally. i want to put my mouth around Your cock because You have told me to put it there. i want to get wet because You have demanded it. i want to feel the sting of Your hand on my ass because You feel i deserve it. i want to kiss You without You kissing back because You want me to worship You. i want You to feel worshipped so You will then want to control me even more.
i am glad that You let me know how You were feeling. It has always been hard for me to get "it" right. i haven't been giving additional suggestions because i don't like Your decisions, but rather because You seem to want to be pleasing me and i want You to be pleased. For instance...lunch... You said You really had no preference because You weren't hungry. You said head to our normal spot and then i made a suggestion or two trying to get You to react with some enthusiasm and to get someplace where You would at least be satisfied and not dissatisfied. You see, again my actions were only intended to attempt to please You and not to distract from Your decisions or control.
Although You misunderstood me and my intentions, i have to say that the forceful way You told me what You need and want and expect from me was exactly what i need and want from You. i love it when You control me with Your words. Anyone can be controlled by physical action, but Your silver tongue is infuriatingly talented. Although i don't like being "handled," i do love being controlled by You.
2) Why do You always assume the worst? Like this morning assuming my tardiness had nothing to do with You when in fact it had everything to do with You. Most of what i do has everything to do with You. You consume my every thought. Like last night, just imagining Your strong hands on Your instrument, making it do exactly what You want it to do, produce the sound You demand, with Your fingers flying over the keys, knowing what buttons to push without a thought. i can imagine those same hands on my body, knowing what to do without a thought, and eliciting the exact response desired because of Your control.
3) i find it amazing that i feel so many things that are similar to what Sarah expresses in her blog. It is not easy to submit. i hope You realize this on some level. Although it is what i want to do, i am completely new at it because i have never been allowed to do it before. i find myself struggling with how to be submissive with You personally, but not professionally, and certainly not with anyone else. i completely understand her when she explains that it wasn't the other man she wanted, but his control. Isn't that what we have blogged about so many times, that thing that You just can't understand...that is isn't ever about having or wanting the other man, but instead it is always about You, wanting You, wanting to be desired so i know that Your desire is true because i can't understand how You want me (i wouldn't want myself) but if others want me too, i guess i can accept that i am desirable (i know this is twisted). This is where the task thing comes in. Sarah lashes out when Mac is too busy for her, or just plain isn't there. i tend to lash out, stray, or whatever when You are emotionally unavailable to me or when we are too busy to "feel it" (particularly the former because at least with the latter i can make a nuisance of myself). Perhaps You can figure out a way to handle these situations. (Or we can figure it out together if that is what You want.) The thing is we know that they are coming and we (i) have not handled them with great skill as of yet. So now that we are okay, everybody is happy, etc maybe we can stratagize. i plan to be with You for the rest of my life, personally, professionally, emotionally, and sexually, and unfortunately i haven't had the luxury of learning over time how to behave appropriately to these situations, so maybe if we had a plan in place the situations wouldn't be so difficult for either of us.
Anyway, i can't wait to have Your hands on me. i can't wait to kneel or stand before You awaiting my next instruction. Your control is what i want, everything else is frosting on the cake. Please don't ever doubt my devotion.
a.
posted by Anastasia at
10:03 AM
1 Comments:
I don't think your "Random Thoughts" are so random. I'm glad you wrote this down. Besides, you had to post something by 6 p.m. today anyway. Right?
1) I think I agree with everything you wrote. The only thing I don't see in there is a specific commitment to less 'trying to help' and more simple "Yes, Sir"s. If you want to know what I want (and I know you do), that is it. If you want or need something, you have the freedom to tell Me. Whether or not I choose to act on the information remains my choice. Offering suggestions for my benefit, however, is not only unnecessary, but quite frankly, is exactly what I do not want.
2) I didn't assume the worst. I imagined the worst. That's not the same thing at all. I actually assumed you were delayed by some responsibility (which, I suppose, you were). I can't help it, however, if my mind runs wild. Come on. I know you can see this from my point of view. he gets back in town after being gone for a few days, and if it were Me, I would have tired you out so bad you still wouldn't be here. you know Me by now. What else can I say?
3) I may address this later, or maybe we can just talk about it.
I feel your devotion and do not doubt it in the slightest.
your Owner,
F.
By
Frederick, at 11:15 AM
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