How i can be a better submissive for Him...

What a word… “submissive.” When initially thinking about its meaning, one thinks about slavery or servitude; the absolute powerlessness of the person in the submissive position and overbearingness of the person in the dominant position. Technically the word is defined as an adjective meaning, “willing to submit or surrender without resistance to authority.” “Surrender” is the act of yielding to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand. But, in a relationship such as ours, it is much more. It is not slavery or servitude, although those qualities are certainly welcomed in certain circumstances. Instead, it is a type of partnership, with each partner putting forth their best efforts to fulfill their respective roles.

The most important aspect of a 24/7 D/s relationship is “willingness” on the part of both parties to engage in their respective roles. The submissive must be willing to submit and the dominant must be willing to accept the responsibility caused by the submission. There is no room for pretense because there is an inherent danger of injury to the hearts and minds of the participants if the relationship is not regarded as a serious endeavor.

Part of the act of submission is an attitude of deference, a willingness to accept the decision that is made despite agreement or disagreement with the decision. Adopting this attitude is key to the relationship, but not always easy. i can be a better submissive by accepting His decisions without question. Ultimately, He is the decision maker and i must recognize the fact that the truly important decisions He makes are made with my best interests in mind. i can be a better submissive by accepting the fact that He will sometimes consider, and REJECT, my opinion. But i must be confident in the knowledge that He did consider my opinion and used it to form His decision.

Lack of resistance is another key element of submission. “Resistance” is defined as an opposing or retarding force. i can be a better submissive by not pulling in the opposite direction, and not planting my feet to effectuate a complete stoppage of motion, when i am in opposition to some request. i can accept directions without any question. i can be less contentious. i can accept the fact that we are different in personality and He does not like to argue for the sake of arguing. Therefore, unless He tells me He wants to argue, and it is okay, i can refrain from trying to start a conflict, even if i only intend it to be for sport. i can stop being contrary just to be contrary. He sets the tone of our relationship, not me. To be a better submissive, i must relinquish control, or relinquish my desire for control. i must be cognizant of, and follow, “the rules” no matter the circumstances, excuses, or reasons not to follow them.

Finally, submission involves trust. In order to truly submit to someone, one must completely trust the person not to harm her physically or emotionally. In this fast paced world of disposable everything, trust is hard to earn and even harder to give. i can be a better submissive by pushing any thoughts of doubt out of my head. i must accept that i am loved and cherished despite all my prior experiences and the circumstances in which i currently find myself. i can stop holding the feelings of resentment and hurt (baggage) against Him, for He is not the one who caused the damage. On the contrary, He is the one who has repaired much of the brokenness.

Although these thoughts are very philosophical, they are the roots of our relationship. If the roots are diseased, then the relationship will wither and die. i have failed in my role as a good submissive because of fear…fear of losing control and fear of giving up control and then being abandoned. i am letting go of my fear and trust that being a better submissive will make Him a better master.